Hello, bracists

Friday, June 8, 2007

I went to the dental hygienist today to have my first real cleaning after getting my braces removed.

What? Yeah.

About a year and a half ago, I got braces. Too bad I wasn’t writing in this blog about the singular joys of being an adult single man with braces. I would have called it the “Do I have something in my teeth?” blog. The subhead would say something inspiring, like, you’re never too old to improve yourself. Or If you refuse to date people with braces, you’re a bracist.

I thought there would be lots of bracists out there. But I was totally wrong. Maybe it is because I didn’t give a flying F, but I got laid the day after I got my braces on. A few months later, I “got with” a woman I had been trying to “get with” for a very, very long time.

Gothic mouth

And, oh yes, others. It was as though my luck with women actually improved when I got those imposing metal strips in my mouth (no outside hardware, thank goodness).

Not that these ladies had brace fetishes (that I know of). What do you call a brace fetishist? A bracist, again?

Wait. Would a “bracist” seek out braces-wearers, or avoid them?

I’m completely sidetracked now. But you can probably see the lesson of the day a mile away, what with my fear of rejection being completely removed (because I expected 100% rejection due to the braces), my success rate in these interpersonal relationships skyrocketed. So, obviously….

The lesson of the day is “Hygienist” is a bitch to spell properly.

3 Responses to “Hello, bracists”

  1. newhoosier Says:

    So this post begs two questions:

    1) Did having braces affect your job search?

    2) How in the world did you “get with” a woman with braces, that wouldn’t “get with” you without them? And is she still with you, or by “get with” do you merely mean “fling” or “one night stand”? (Which makes it more than two questions, think of it as a subquestion! 🙂 )

  2. Your response begs two answers 🙂

    1. I was employed at the same place before, during, and after having the braces. Yeah, I was worried about that, though, if I needed to look for other employment. I decided I would point out the braces during a job interview as a way of making fun of myself, and showing a constant desire to improve.

    2. Fling. One night stand. Or, actually, two one-night stands spaced a few months apart. I’m not sure that my braces had as much to do with it as much as my attitude. Before, I always thought there was a 50/50 shot at “getting with” her, so I probably acted 50% like a wuss. When I got braces, I realized that I had a 0% shot with her, so I acted 0% like a wuss.

    Acting 0% like a wuss is key to “get-with” activities, I’ve found.

  3. newhoosier Says:

    Sorry, I thought you said you got “laid off” the day after you got your braces. Apparently that was just “laid;” which is in all actuality a much better way to spend your time.

    Ah, yes, the “I have nothing to lose” approach. It’s amazing how well that works sometimes!

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